Written as a narrative to my daughter, I wanted her to have the whole story. Where she came from. Why I placed her for adoption. And how, for the next 18 years, I hovered on the edges of her family, granted access by her generous parents, but always wanting more. More for her, and more for me.
I am not ready, not able, to raise you.
Ten years too early, I need time to grow up.
To offer you, I have love.
And nothing else.
You need more than I have to give,
Unless I give you up.
To parents who are ready, waiting, to raise you.
Ten years wanting, with a ready home.
Parents who have love,
And everything else, too.
If I do it,
If I break my own heart to spare yours,
Will it work?
Will you be happier, healthier this way?
And will I ever be okay again?
This bare bones memoir tells the story of a kinship adoption from the perspective of a birthmother. It will break your heart, then heal it, with new perspectives on adoption, openness, and the complex ways we define family.